The Beauty of Grace

I heard a quote in a preview for a movie called “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” that said “ … the love we accept is the love we think we deserve.” Now, I’ve never seen that movie nor do I remember what movie I was watching that contained the preview. But that line stuck with me. I can’t help but to dwell on it. It is a truly profound statement. It’s a clever philosophy on the surface, but the more you dig into to it, the more and more it reveals itself true in ways the surface only scratches at.

My whole life I have struggled with the issue of self-worth.  In fact, I would let people walk all over me and treat me like garbage because, deep down, I thought I deserved it.  I felt that if someone I looked up to or cared for treated me harshly, then there was obviously something I did that merited me being treated that way. Many previous relationships in my life, from exes to “friendships” seemed to be filled with people who I would let take advantage of me and my “good nature”. 

This had two effects on me. One, I was, and am at times still, highly anxious. I mean, full on panic attacks if I have to do something even remotely difficult or uncomfortable for someone's scrutiny. I am still afraid to ask for direction on something I’m working on if I don’t understand it. Two, when I finally recognized that this was a problem in my life, I went the completely opposite direction. I became bitter, cynical, and quick to lash out and cut people down. I didn’t trust anybody. It is still a mode of my personality that I am learning to keep in check.

I’m sure that most of you reading this knows, or has known, a person involved in an abusive relationship.  Even when you see the stories of them unfold on TV you just can’t grasp why person A would let person B treat them like that. There’s a weird sort of Stockholm Syndrome going on. Person A is convinced that they love person B sooooooo much that they deserve what person B does to them over and over.  Then, if they do get out of that relationship, they tend to end up in another one similar to it. Yah willing, they find a man/woman who treats them with the love and respect that everyone is entitled to, but how long does it take for them to accept that this new person is different? 

How long before they become accustomed to being treated with real, Yah like love? The kind of love written about in Galatians 5:22-23.

”  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ humility, self control. Nothing in the Torah stands against such things.”

Then we take this to the next level. YHVH. The Creator of all things has created us in His love. He desires a relationship with us built on His love. After all, He set up the rules for what love truly is. We are the ones who abuse Him. We have done everything we possibly can as a species to deny Him His will in our existence, and He still strives to have a relationship with us. All of us at one point or another has said to Him, “Nah, I’m gonna do this my way”. He has every reason and right to spurn us and cast us aside, but instead He gives us every possible chance to return to Him. He went so far as to die an excruciating death and resurrect that we might be able to have that renewed relationship with Him and His Torah.

Beyond this being a hard concept to grasp, I would venture to say that few, if any, believers even have an inkling of what this means. YHVH loves us with a perfect, boundless love. Yet we only know love as it pertains to us. Sure, most of us recognize openly that the love of YHVH in our lives is greater than any other love we have known, but we still are putting a damper on it because that small part of us deep down, knows we’re not worthy of it. So, it is never able to be manifested in its most unadulterated way. Imagine if we could let go of our pre conceived notions of what we deserve and what YHVH is willing to give in spite of that! I tell you that I believe the flood gates would open like nothing we’ve ever seen. It will be a glory that we can only glimpse in the warm rush and tingling of our souls. It would destroy our flesh and the brightness of the light would surround our very being.  It gives me chills to think about it.

So, if “the love we accept is the love we think we deserve.” Then it makes sense to conclude with “the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.” --Relient K.

 One Love,

Albert C. Coble